🎉 New Year is not only champagne, Olivier salad and the chimes of the clock, but also the best reason to get together with friends and family to have a great time! And what can set the atmosphere better than a portion of funny jokes? Imagine: the clinking of glasses, cozy laughter and jokes that will dispel boredom and lift everyone's spirits. In this selection, we have collected the funniest jokes for New Year 2025 - ideal for a festive feast. Ready to surprise your friends? Then get comfortable, because it's time to get a great mood for the whole evening!
Jokes for the Year of the Snake Celebration
Since the symbol of the New Year 2025 is the Green Snake, we offer a selection of funny jokes that will lift your spirits on New Year's Eve and beyond:
- A snake comes to a psychologist. - Doctor, I have problems with self-esteem! - Why? - I look in the mirror, and there... there's just some kind of snake! 🐍
- The snake dreamed that it was running. I woke up and sighed: “Phew, what a nightmare... Looks like I had too much champagne!” 🍾🐍
- Snake in the gym. Trainer: "Come on, get up, do some pull-ups!" Snake: "Have you even seen what size my arms are?" 🤷♀️🐍
- The snake is trying to learn a dance. Instructor: "Well, now add arms!" Snake: "Great, so we'll work with what's not there!" 😂🐍
- The snake teaches the snake children at school: - So, children, remember: the main thing in life is not to let yourself be offended. And now we are writing a test on the art of biting! 📝🐍
- The snake tries to write New Year's wishes on New Year's Eve. "May the snake not bite you, but hug you... oh, no, that won't work. Okay, just good luck!" 🎄🐍
- The snake is going to the store for a sale. — I'll take this handbag and these gloves... Snake friend: "The handbag is fine, but why do you need the gloves?" 👜🐍
- The snake decided to become a singer. After the first performance: - So, how was it? How did the audience receive it? - The whole hall hissed! But I even liked it. 🎤🐍
- The snake doctor advises: — For your health, I don't advise you to drink a lot on holidays. Better just a little, otherwise you'll dream of a green snake! Patient: "And I thought you were that green snake!" 🐍🍻
🐍
Two snakes meet. One says to the other:
- Listen, are you and I poisonous?
- Yes, of course, we are rattlesnakes! Why?
- Oh... I just bit my tongue!
🐍
The snake decided to become a coach and conduct trainings on achieving goals.
First lesson:
- To become successful, you need to move directly towards your goal, without being distracted by trifles!
Someone from the audience whispers:
- But we are snakes, we can only do it crookedly anyway...
The snake, shaking its head:
- Well, the main thing is to crawl beautifully! 🐍😄
For an adult company
In the village a man asks his neighbor.
- What, Ivan, did you distill moonshine again yesterday?
- What makes you think that?
-Your green snake beat my rooster's face in!
🐍
At the market a man chooses a live snake. He approaches the seller, who holds a large king in his hands.
- Why is your snake so expensive?
This is not a simple snake, this is a perverted snake.
- Oh, come on, it looks like an ordinary snake.
- Release?
🐍
The Fox, the Wolf and the Snake are sitting at the bar counter. They are celebrating the New Year and talking. The conversation turns to character and life principles.
The fox, sipping her cocktail, says:
- Well, I'm cunning in life. I can turn around in any situation, stay on my feet and always snatch something!
The wolf waves his hand, taking a sip from his mug:
- And I am strong and straightforward in life. I would like to quickly find prey, catch it, and live in peace!
Now it's the Snake's turn. She sighs, holding a glass of champagne in her teeth, and says:
- And I, you know, am... flexible in life. But there is just one nuance. The more I have to bend, the more I sting later!
The Fox and the Wolf froze, looked at each other and, without saying a word, moved away.
The snake, smiling:
- Aha, then you got it! 🐍🥂
For family
Here are five funny jokes about Snake for the whole family:
- The snake comes to apply for a job. Employer: "What skills do you have?" Snake: "Well, I'm very flexible, I can crawl quickly to my goal, and I can pretend to be a belt or a scarf in a difficult situation!" Employer: "Great, we'll hire you!" 🐍
- The snake teaches his son to read. — Okay, let's do it syllable by syllable: "shi-shhh... shi-shhh..." Son: "Mom, I don't understand where the hisses end and the words begin!" 📚🐍
- The snakes are going to a picnic. Snake mom says: "Don't forget to bring sunscreen, water and... your hands!" Snake kids laugh: "Mom, what are you talking about?!" Snake mom: "Okay then, let's just crawl as we are!" 🐍☀️
- The snake decided to go dancing. Dance instructor: "Well, repeat after me: left step, right step..." Snake: "Can I just curl up into a ball? I'm not very good with the steps!" 🐍💃
- Snake at an exam at school. Teacher: "So, who can tell me how to calculate the square root?" Snake lifts its tail: "Teacher, what if I just curl up into a square? Does that count?" 🐍📐
About Santa Claus
The joke about Santa Claus will appeal to both adults and children, as this is the main New Year character. You can tell a joke about a letter to Santa Claus or about a gift from a fairy-tale wizard. A good option is to play up a person's attitude to a fairy-tale wizard at different ages.
A person has three stages of development. At five, he believes that Santa Claus brings presents under the tree. At fifteen, he says that Santa Claus is stupid and does not exist. And at thirty, he himself becomes Santa Claus.
***
Before the New Year, mom asks Vovochka.
– Do you want me to invite Santa Claus to our house?
- No, I don’t feel like reading him a poem.
– Maybe we should invite Snegurochka?
- No, I don't feel like it, she'll have to sing a song. Just order a sleigh with reindeer and gifts.
Jokes about January 1st
These jokes will lift your spirits when the holiday is over and the consequences remain:
- Morning of January 1st. A phone call: - Hello, where are you? - Uh... I don't understand yet. Give me some coffee and I'll call you back. ☕️😅
- January 1st, at the entrance. Neighbors meet: - So, how did you celebrate the New Year? - At first cheerfully, then vaguely, and in the morning - solemnly, when you rode home in the elevator! 😆🚪
- January 1st. Question to the wife: - Darling, why do we have Olivier salad and cake in the bathroom? - Well, apparently one of the guests decided that the refrigerator was already... 😳🎂
****
Two friends are talking. One tells the other:
- It's decided, I'm starting a new life on January 1st. I'll go to the pool at 9am and I'll go there all year long.
- What are you talking about? The pool doesn’t work on the first of January.
- What a horror! It was exactly the same last year. So, it's not my destiny to do sports.
****
A Russian, an American and a Frenchman are talking and bragging about who builds faster.
American: We will start building the hospital on January 1st, and by January 31st we will already be accepting patients.
French: We will start building the cafe on January 1st, and on January 31st it will open to visitors.
Russian: What's this! On January 1st at 9am we'll start building a liquor factory, and by 10am we'll all be drunk.
It's better if there's only one joke teller at the party. – a person who can tell any story so that it is funny for everyone. Funny stories will decorate the New Year's party and raise the mood of both guests and hosts.
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